Haiku error messages

Posted on July 9, 2008. Filed under: Culture, Musings, Philosophy |

Every now and then I receive some real gems amongst all that “fwd” email many of us get. I can’t speak to the truth of any of the following, but I did enjoy the poetry. After the somber tone of my last post, I felt a lightening of the spirit was in order. There are a couple of bonus funnies at the end. Thanks to my friend The Alternate Evolutionist for making me aware of these:

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku Poetry messages. Haiku Poetry has strict construction rules: Each poem has only 17 Syllables – 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the Third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning, and powerful insight through extreme brevity.

Here are some actual error messages from Japan. Aren’t these better than “your computer has performed an illegal operation?”

—————————————–
The web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
—————————————–
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
——————————————–
Program aborting
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
——————————————–
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
——————————————–
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
——————————————–
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
——————————————–
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
——————————————–
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
——————————————–
Three things are certain
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
——————————————–
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
——————————————–
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
——————————————–
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
——————————————–
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
——————————————–
#  #  #  #  #  #  #  #  #  #
This proves we have become far too dependent on our computers.

1)  Are you male or female?

To find out the answer, look down….

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> Look down, not scroll down….

“This year, American taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:”

“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
“A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money?
“A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
“A. Only a smidgen.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
“A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
“A. Shut up.”

If you forward this to 10 people within the next 10 minutes, 10 more people may make disparaging remarks about your parentage!
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15 Responses to “Haiku error messages”

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My son-in-law is 1/4 Japanese. He’s going to love the Haiku messages. I love the other two also.

I love the haikus.
Don’t know if you like cats, but here’s a cat haiku:

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

I always did scratch my head as to what the stimulus package was – a package, I thought, was a raft of a few things – but we know that American has damaged the English language, Muse! 😛 LOL

That is a j/k to your American readers who don’t understand. 😉

Oh, is he Joan? I’m glad he will enjoy them, and that you want to share them. I was ready for a good giggle and the last two did that for me. 😉

Thank you very much, boblet. I do like cats, and that Haiku was exactly cat-like! We’re allowed to live in their world at their pleasure. I appreciate you sharing the Haiku!

Indeed, Will, you rascal! hmm…package…hadn’t thought of that. You lot did have the language first! We couldn’t just leave it alone once we’d got hold of it though, could we? 😉 Most of my readers aren’t Americans, actually. One of the reasons I love blogging. [Uh, wait…that didn’t come out quite right.] 🙂

LMAO! Great Post. Got caught scrolling too!
Love the last one. 🙂

LOL Good one!

haha, very funny! i’d steal it and post it on my blog if i wasn’t in macau.

Heheh, that’s great! 🙂 I always love when programs tell me funny things. There’s actually a burner proggy, name slipped my mind at the moment, that said to me “Logical unit is in progress of becoming ready” so i had to make a t-shirt with that on. Better still would have been a coffee-mug for early monday mornings 🙂

All the best from your Gnomy friend. Hey what does Hoot mean?

Ah, caughtcha, BD! Don’t worry, I did it too. 😉

Hehe, kaylee. Made ya look! Made ya laugh! 😀

You are welcome to steal it when you return, sulz. I’ll remind you! 😉

Oh, I love that “…becoming ready” one! Yeah, coffee mug would be good, otherwise I’d have to get it printed upside down on my t-shirt so I could look down and read it…and double check whether I’m female or male, hah! Ah, yes, “hoot”: American slang. [an aside: I left a comment on Mrgnome‘s blog post calling him a “hoot”. He may wonder, quite naturally, if that was a compliment or an insult!] My definition is: “someone who amuses and/or surprises me.” (You do both.) I imagine it’s used this way because your post might cause us to make that sound: “hoot!” Although the post was very serious, you peppered it with imaginative scenarios that caused me to laugh right through my fright! “Hoot” is also the sound we think an owl makes. Since you like t-shirts, here’s another you can adapt. Take care, my friend. 🙂

Error messages.
Haiku softens frustration
and coaxes a smile.

(LOL! Loved the haiku)

Oh TVB, that’s wonderful! You are clever and talented! I’m glad you enjoyed them as I did yours, thank you. 🙂

The haikus are great. Probably an urban legend, but still wonderful. I especially like the “you ask far too much” one and the “three things are certain” one. Thanks for making me smile. 🙂

Love the haikus. One of my greatest claims to fame was having one of my haikus published on the Car Talk website:

My macho boyfriend
Runs to open my car door
Are my arms broken?

And by the way…I scrolled down instead of looking down. But did anyone reading this really have to do either?

I know it’s been a while. Hope all is well in your neck o’ the woods.

Cheers from beautiful Brooklyn!

Ronnie Ann

I love the last and fifth from the last haiku…did not fall for the scroll down and nodded at the stimulus package. Its good to follow dark with light isn’t it …a natural balance perhaps…but especially so for those of the optimistic or realistic bent.

Can’t get my mail at present so cannot answer your lovely email as cannot access it to reread it…..suddenly my laptop started demanding passwords…that has never happened before!!!! But I really appreciated it, thanks again Muse.

I can’t imagine that Japanese computers really produce those error messages either, B0bby, but they are still Haiku and fun to read. I liked those two as well. You’re welcome! 😀

Ronnie Ann, you did?!? Those car talk guys make me giggle! You are now show-biz royalty to me—as you’ve always deserved to be, of course! I’m typing this on the day of the debut of As the Wrench Turns: The animated adventures of Click and Clack. Apparently they’re running for president (Both of them?) It’s great to see you! I do peek in at your Work Coach Cafe from time to time. I’m neither an employer or an employee, but I think you are providing a wonderful service there. And it looks great! I know, isn’t that hilarious about the scrolling and/or looking down? You’d think if we were self-aware enough to read a blog post we’d remember which kind of body we woke up in this morning. 😉 Your Haiku made me giggle even more than the error messages, hehe.

You didn’t fall for it MQ? You’re the only one so far; you win the prize! Some of these Haiku are thoughtful, and speak to a state of mind beyond computing. Don’t worry about replying; just do take care. We’ll chat when you have retrieved your passwords. That happens to me occasionally—out of the blue it apparently wants to be sure I’m me. You’re welcome. 🙂


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