I need this blog
I need this blog to do something new for me. It sits, passively, while my life rushes by; uncaring.
Barely two years old; already cantankerous; not even “the terrible twos” can foil it—it never asks: “Why?”
I need this blog to do something new for me. I’m not known for maintaining friendships long past their usefulness. Cold; callous as that sounds, I’d rather be used, honestly, than jollied along by fearful sentiment.
For what are we if not of use to each other?
By “used” I don’t mean forced, or manipulated, or all those ugly unpleasant things; I don’t stand for that.
Relationships are bargains at best (and the best can be very good!) However well you may know me, you can’t, ever, BE me; nor would you want to; nor I you.
There is inherent loneliness in that.
I need this blog to do something new for me. Be a salve for my wounds emotional; be an ear for my joys triumphant. I need it to start to care…more.
It, there and not there; disappearing with the push of a button, must come to reflect more the person beyond the fingertips touch typing tapping away.
How it transpires—only one way. The person; reflection; fiercely guarding anonymity begins to wonder whether the blogger
is really there.
Presence is a tricky thing. You could come and meet me; get to know me, but would you? This, here, is my voice, my outlet, my most me-ness of me-ity. If you know me here, you know much, more than some others, but I will never reveal those superficialities that make me a statistic, first, a person…later.
I need this blog to do something new for me: indulge my fits of poetic self indulgence. You, the reader need not. It’s perfectly OK to skip this one; so out of character; not what you expect.
It’s just that, after two years, I needed not to be just me