I need this blog
I need this blog to do something new for me. It sits, passively, while my life rushes by; uncaring.
Barely two years old; already cantankerous; not even “the terrible twos” can foil it—it never asks: “Why?”
I need this blog to do something new for me. I’m not known for maintaining friendships long past their usefulness. Cold; callous as that sounds, I’d rather be used, honestly, than jollied along by fearful sentiment.
For what are we if not of use to each other?
By “used” I don’t mean forced, or manipulated, or all those ugly unpleasant things; I don’t stand for that.
Relationships are bargains at best (and the best can be very good!) However well you may know me, you can’t, ever, BE me; nor would you want to; nor I you.
There is inherent loneliness in that.
I need this blog to do something new for me. Be a salve for my wounds emotional; be an ear for my joys triumphant. I need it to start to care…more.
It, there and not there; disappearing with the push of a button, must come to reflect more the person beyond the fingertips touch typing tapping away.
How it transpires—only one way. The person; reflection; fiercely guarding anonymity begins to wonder whether the blogger
is really there.
Presence is a tricky thing. You could come and meet me; get to know me, but would you? This, here, is my voice, my outlet, my most me-ness of me-ity. If you know me here, you know much, more than some others, but I will never reveal those superficialities that make me a statistic, first, a person…later.
I need this blog to do something new for me: indulge my fits of poetic self indulgence. You, the reader need not. It’s perfectly OK to skip this one; so out of character; not what you expect.
It’s just that, after two years, I needed not to be just me
for once.
MusEditions 
Hey Muse, you doing alright? I Hope so!!
Shane
August 28, 2009
Thanks, Shane, I’m great, really! For some reason I just have—almost physically, but certainly emotionally—felt unable to blog much lately. Just thought I’d stir it up a little. 🙂
museditions
August 28, 2009
Uh, what? This post seriously confuses me. But I do understand the gist; you feel like your blog needs to provide you with something *more* than what it’s been bringing you. I didn’t blog for three weeks after my epic simply because I didn’t feel the need to blog. The urge to write ebbs and flows, and the only thing we can do is seize the moment when we do have that urge to write.
An alternative thought that just occurred to me is that maybe you’re at a blogging “plateau”. You simply don’t see any improvement (or payoff), so you kind of don’t want to blog. But the only way to break through the plateau is to keep “practicing” (writing) until you break through the plateau. For more on this and many other awesome ideas and concepts, check out the book Mastery by George Leonard. I can’t recommend it to people, especially bloggers, enough. It’s under 200 pages too.
I only wish people would stick around and continue to read after a hiatus. I mean, even that fickleness, if you can call it that, is being proved here, with only 1 commenter other than myself responding to this post. Though, with my totally-selfish blogging platform, I don’t worry about viewers as much as with my days at T59SM.
Happy blogging, and I hope it fulfills you.
Leap
leapsecond
August 28, 2009
this post is very unmuselike. but then this post reminds me, “precisely what is muselike??”
i kinda agree about what you said about friendships. that’s why most people don’t keep in touch after parting ways. it’s difficult to find a common thread when the common thread is gone.
sulz
August 28, 2009
Huh?
(no, I think I might get it. carry one, Muse!)
– Care aka IdeaJump!
Care
August 28, 2009
After 2 years it’s not entirely clear to me (either) why I continue with my blog. I have thoroughly disclaimed it, even in its title, and yet have clicked Publish over 200 times. Vowed not to spill my guts, but the post where I shared pictures of my guts is my most hit upon (1101 views). So go figure … But even so, the urge to post comes, in varied frequency and if from nowhere else, then from the gathering of a few jpegs. And as we all know, a jpeg is worth 1000 words.
Part of it is simply record-keeping, though sharing such records via WWW is, perhaps, a dubious practice. I’m not sure. Yet. I get enough positive return from my commentators to make it seem worthwhile. So I continue. I liked the way this post entertained the notions of anonymity and intimacy. This juxtaposition, for me, is the very engine of the blogosphere, and what compels me to read … So I continue.
And so do you. Go us! 🙂
David
August 28, 2009
Hey Mused… there are a couple of things that stuck out the most to me about this one. Ok, maybe three.
1) My blog is a little over two years old as well.
2) When I first started I blogged in anonymity. My “pen” name was Julian. It really is my grandfather’s name but not my birth name. And believe it or not… I have legally changed my name. It’s weird. My name is now Julian. This is the first time I’ve announced this in the blogosphere. So much for anonymity.
3) I’ve felt the stirring that made me feel this thing could… should be more. I have gone long periods without posting a thing. Periods of posting nothing but drivel and other times posting deeply personal things. So like David, it is the community of friendly commentators… friends. Yes, I will call them friends that keep me coming back as well as, like he said, the record keeping.
love and energy to you.
~Jules
julian
August 28, 2009
I connect with this, Muse. For a while, when I had (and was) Out of My Head on wordpress.com, I had fun but also felt limited by the boundaries of my cyber-presence and the need to go beyond the safety of the button. So I started sharing poems and writing, but think it just confused readers. Me too. But then who cares…because I enjoyed it.
Even now on Work Coach Cafe, while my good self wants to be nice to everyone and encourage what is best in each human being, there are many other parts of me (of all of us) that never get to come out and play. So what are we all connecting to??? What is this internet thing anyway? How much can it be or do? Social networking in intangible one-dimension at best. Is there a place on the internet for a 3D us? Sometimes change just calls – or at least stops by to pay a visit. Questions like yours may be part of that coming change.
Oh…by the way…over the years, I’ve met a few folks online – two are now close friends – who have added deep dimension to my life. But it took leaping beyond the button and that’s something I would not want to do too often. Pardon the rambling. Your post raises so many thoughts – as you always do, so I guess it is still you after all. 😉
Btw…what else might you like the blog to do? Can we help shake things up????
Ronnie Ann
August 29, 2009
Hi, leap. Indeed. I was in a mood, and I put a lot of responsibility on the poor ol’ blog which, after all, doesn’t actually exist! I see it more as a mirror; so I must ask myself what the reflection implies. I’m not sure if I’ve reached a plateau, as you mention, but certainly will consider that. It’s more as if I’ve suddenly decided to go looking for “Who am I?” and wondering if I’ll find it here. Sometimes yes, sometimes…not as much. This blog, for me, is meant to be a place for me to spill out the current content of my brain, and then turn around and see what that means. I remember meeting George Leonard once. He was teaching tai kwando at the time, I believe. Haven’t read that particular book, though. When you commented, this post had only been up a few hours; you’ll be gratified to see that a few more people have dropped by. 🙂 Thank you for your wishes!
Insightful, my dear sulz. I was feeling most unmuselike at the time—whatever that may mean. 😉 Every now and then I have to sit back and contemplate the nature of the muses again. I have experienced that with friendships, ’tis true. But, every now and then, one of them reappears in my life and it seems we pick up just where we left off, as if it hadn’t been years at all. I feel doubly blessed, then. 🙂
Thanks, Care. I know, this was a weird one. If you do get it, would you explain it to me, pleeeez? 😀
Dave! 😯 You are a unique being! I took a look at your guts post, as I’d missed it, and, wow! You seem an eclectic sort; you have the most beautiful photos of your garden, including some of the prettiest food I’ve seen, and if that is record keeping, I think the creative force owes you one. I like the words you used, “anonymity and intimacy”, very much! Indeed. Maybe for some of us bloggers, the anonymous aspects free up the intimate ones. It’s certainly a different kind of intimacy, and I think our culture is still engaged in defining, or accepting, the social change this engenders. And amen to wonderful commenters (such as yourself). They can keep one going, eh what?
Hey, Jules! Or should I call you Julian, now?!? Nope, you signed it Jules, which I always thought was short for Julian, anyway. I’m incredibly honored that you shared your name change over here or my blog! Thank you, I value your trust. Fascinating how your “pen” name became the real you, and honored your grandfather as well. I had read the posts you linked to, and others, and I believe reading about both the great joys, and the great tragedies that have been in your life the past couple of years allows your readers to know the important parts of you. I’d never before been an observer of the progress of an entire courtship on a blog, for instance. 😉 You share the most compelling life circumstances in such a brave and honest way. I have much to learn from you, my friend. There is an ongoing discussion in blogland about whether or not online friends are “really” friends. But, what “really” is “really”? Love and all good things to you as well.
Veddy interesting comment, RA. Limited by the boundaries of your cyber-presence, were you? I’m contemplating that brilliant turn of phrase. I think that’s at least partially nailed it, for me. I write posts, from time to time, which have a rather guru-like tone to them, and some people who read here seem to enjoy that. But, my not-so-little secret is that, you know, I’m not all that wise, actually. As the songwriter Jana Stanfield said: “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.” (Good song, by the way.) So, I’m here, not to teach, or indeed to be taught, but to explore. I love it when folks come along for the journey; also understand when they don’t. Can’t be a roadie every day! I laughed long when I read: “my good self wants to be nice to everyone”—just trying to imagine your “not-good self”; finding it difficult. I think I know what you mean, though. Sometimes, I find myself being so…earnest! 😉
museditions
August 30, 2009
I totally feel you on that Muse. I’ve been going through the same sentiment over my blog. So much has been happening in my life but I haven’t able to blog about it. Would love to, but time never allows, yet I would love to share all my experiences regardless of time constraints.
Only if you can think everything into a post or have the blog automatically updating itself with your life’s events. Lol!
I hope you’ve been cool, longtym no chat. 😉
Tazzy.10 [Creative Expressions]
August 31, 2009
{{{{Muse}}} Never forget muse is a verb too. Very muse-like.
ellaella
September 2, 2009
You’re indeed not you this once Muse.
You’re at your most introspective and poetic this once. Good for the soul like mind defragmentation.
pochp
September 4, 2009
Hang in there Muse. If you can recall, I was in the same predicament. Sometimes, a break gives you the motivation and inspiration to blog. No harm in taking a break I guess 🙂 Blogging should not be an obligation! Good luck!
http://kirantarun.com
Kiran
September 5, 2009
Hey, Tazzy; great to see you! Time is a relative thing, but I, with you, do feel its constraints at times. Perhaps in our lifetimes we’ll have available an implant that translates our brainwaves to words on a screen. Not sure how I feel about that! 😉
Way true, ella! Thanks for the reminder (and the hugs!). Sorry to be so late in responding; I’ve been experiencing MIM (Major Internet Meltdown) and I haven’t been able to be, or to stay, online for days. Gaaaah! Crash! Crash! It’s better now, but that’s a post, not a comment. Hope all is well with you.
Thank you, poch! I was feeling poetical (or perhaps that’s hysterical?) and introspective, certainly. I’m contemplating your “mind defragmentation” comment. Hmmm! {runs off to ponder.} 🙂
museditions
September 5, 2009
I don’t know if this will help – in all probability it won’t, basically because I am speaking about me and not thee.
I first started to blog to ‘get my name out there’ – though that is still ‘a’ reason, it is not “the” reason. I went through the change that happened over the last year, and I began to feel myself again – though that did come at having the odd, deserved, heated argument.
I never thought I would ever receive hate (e)mail because of what I wrote, I did – and that triggered something that came to pass when I changed my blog to what it is now – though that process was a long(ish) one.
Through the interaction between peoples I found that my instincts were correct, that, in itself, was enlightening. What also was; was that I found that there was many people who agreed with me – some, very kindly said that I wrote what they thought but couldn’t put it into words. Kinda made me smile that one.
I know you have read the ‘cynicism’ post, Muse, you were the inspiration to add it after all.
Yet, believe it or not – not many have.
Whether people look at me as the modern cynic, I have no idea, I prefer a combination of the two.
How my blog now works for me is that I can look at what people write on it – look at the mail I receive via it – and then I see the world in a different light each day – if that makes any sense.
Now I have people who have mailed me, one or two UK MPs in that mix, who have asked my opinion on things – even a local candidate has asked, and I give them my take on things – they can, of course, take it or leave it.
Although a blog is out there in the blogosphere – it is still a very personal thing.
That, more than anything, is what I have discovered.
PS, for any, if there should be, who are not ‘into politics’ (and the odd bit of expletives on a blog) please do not click my link/name or anything else to get you to my blog. There is strong opinion and swearing on it.
The Cynic
September 5, 2009
Hi, Kiran! Sorry to take so long to respond. Your comment originally went to Spam! I don’t know why; you are not in the least spammy. 😉 Yes, you did take quite a long break, and look at you now! Back with much energy. I am inspired by you. Thanks for the encouragement!
Will, thank you so much for posting the story of your journey. I’m honored. It is interesting; I’ve read you from almost the beginning, I think, and I see how you have evolved. You are a person of strong opinions and convictions, and, because of your subject matter, I’m not surprised that you get the occasional unpleasant response. What really impresses me is how you take it all in and learn and grow from it! What could be better? And wow, being a consultant to MPs and local candidates must be so satisfying and worthwhile. Good on you! It’s been fascinating to watch your style evolve, yet you’ve always remained uniquely you. Blogs are very personal, indeed. I take your point, and I’m also taking a long look at who I am right now. We change, our blogs change, the world changes, and life just gets more interesting!
museditions
September 9, 2009