Compassion, Acceptance, and Grace.

Posted on March 12, 2010. Filed under: Health, HowTo, Musings, Philosophy, Spirituality |

So, I was in a spiritual discussion with some lovely folks earlier today, and I fear I got a bit snippy at one point. I don’t do a lot of counseling anymore, and am kind of out of practice. I tend to think that “people ought to” just get over themselves, live in the moment, and quit whining about the past. This does sound harsh, does it not? I was reminded several times, both by myself πŸ˜‰ and by another participant, that things we think of others are really about ourselves. I realized I was thinking that I “ought to” get over myself!

What do I mean by that, exactly? (I wish you’d tell me!) I’m feeling a mixture of things in my life at the moment, including feeling a bit stuck regarding some circumstances, while, at the same time, excitement abounds because of a couple of new projects involving my online life.

{Digression alert!} Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little bit too in love with being online. I have several friends who tell me that they look at a computer screen all day long, and when they finally get home, the LAST thing they want to do is turn on their home computer. I am not like that at all. I roll out of bed in the morning, turn on the beastly machine (it’s a lovely beast, really!) and alternate “real” work, volunteer work, and self-created projects all day long. I can multi-task with the best of them! I’m often still typing away at the machine well after midnight (like now!) I do make sure I turn the computer completely off for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and that I get out the door for a walk every day. I do have SOME perspective. The fact that I work largely from home (when I’m not out causing trouble at the events I work on) πŸ˜‰ just adds to the confusion.

So, back to the topic at hand: I was interacting with a few people, and even though I’d had some time to meditate and calm my nerves, I wasn’t feeling too compassionate with myself. It turns out that one of the people I was talking to was dealing with issues of impatience–coincidence? I think not!

I was reminded of something I read in a self-help book long ago (I just LOVE self-help books!): “Be gentle with yourself.” We so often beat ourselves up over things that, in the scheme of things, won’t matter a jot. After the conversation I also was reminded to ask the question “What if you loved that person? How would you respond?” It’s a curious thing that the moment I ask “What if…” I begin to love them immediately! The question takes the pressure off. How often are we admonished to “love our fellow wo/man”? But, to ask, “What IF I loved them?”, tells me I don’t have to if I don’t want to! I might just choose to act compassionately towards them, anyway…

And to me as well.

In love & peace. β™₯

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8 Responses to “Compassion, Acceptance, and Grace.”

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πŸ™‚

so you too..lollzzzz

Keep smiling. Keep making others smile.

I think you should enter the cat poster in a contest Muse lol. It’s great!
But the wisdom of this post is even greater.
β€œWhat if you loved that person? How would you respond?” That’s a very wise strategy. It’s amazing how small questions could make us wise.

Hey, I just learned that our daily routine is almost exactly the same!

I have to be online too, and that takes away some good parts of my life. I can’t multi-task well, really. And though I have no patience for self-help helps, agree some pearls of wisdom do come out of it πŸ˜› like this, we should go easy on our self. I have realized that sometimes we rant and worry about things that really don’t matter in the long run. I too am trying to learn to take it easy. Believe me, it is a learning experience everyday.

What if I loved them? How would I act? Or re-act. That is a good one!
Remember I told you (ages ago) about my friends son with the runny nose who threw tantrums. Once I stopped the way I was feeling about him, my attitude, his attitude changed? A real eye opener for me. We became chums and I got over the runny nose thing. πŸ˜‰

But I did need to read this post to remind me of that. It came at a good time. Thanks.
I do love many people but they are various levels of it. I should use my own family in it. What if this person was my Mom, brother, sister? Now you have me suffering a guilt trip. Just opened my eyes again.

Love the cat picture!

I think that’s a great question to ask. I do something similar that I’ve noticed changes my reactions or my attitude. I just wonder how the particular person might feel about their life, and wonder if they are hiding the fact that they may have a lot on their plate and be at the end of their rope. And I can’t help but think that how I treat them could push them over the edge or pull them back. A bit extreme of a question to ask myself, but it helps my attitude, so I guess it works.

I’m hoping Muse, that you’ll start to see much more of me around here πŸ™‚ Take care!

Thank you; I do my best, Maak. πŸ™‚

Well, the contest entry would have to come from our friends at LOL Cats, poch. This one got a lot of votes there. Thank you for your comment about the strategy. There are just a few things that can change my mind almost instantly, and this is one of them. As for your routine being like mine…well, if that’s true, I have great compassion for you! LOL πŸ™‚

I’ve been reading studies lately that say it’s not good for our brains to multi-task, Poonam. 😦 I may have to rethink this. It’s probably a good thing you’re not good at it. πŸ™‚ Oh, I so agree that this is an ongoing learning experience! We do tend to be rather hard on ourselves, and if we can remember to be kind, it helps a lot. Always good to see you!

I surely do remember the runny-nose tantrum boy, BD! If you can manage to love him, I think you have this thing nailed, hehe! I think it is wise of you to realize that we can never fully know another’s path. That’s where true compassion comes from, I think, rather than in “feeling sorry” for them. I was not my intent to induce guilt, but I can see why thinking this through may cause some uncomfortable feelings. Really, one doesn’t need to change anything or do anything different. Just recognizing that every being has something to show us about love is enough. The rest takes care of itself. πŸ™‚

The cat mirrors how I feel some days… (not most days, honest!) You are so right, Shane! I know I’ve had family or other “goings-on” that I haven’t necessarily wanted to share, and I’ve been grateful that people have been compassionate with me. I think your method really brings home that how we treat each other matters! Well, I would, of course, be thrilled to see more of you! I know you’ve had a lot going on, but you know you are always very welcome here. πŸ™‚

“what if”… interesting. I do believe my approach would be definitely different but somehow harder/stricter. Kind of like “tough love”. At least that’s how I am with my family and people close to me. Of course, it would depend greatly on the situation said person is going through… It’s kind of hard for me to explain what I mean.

As for being gentle with myself… nah, I don’t think so. Again, hard for me to explain… Sure, there’s a difference between pushing and be hard on oneself, but interestingly I find them both closely related. Although not always true, if you’re too gentle with yourself, you could get too lenient with yourself, thus you wouldn’t accomplish/reach your goals.

Meh, guess my thoughts are all over the place and are kind of incongruous.

Juan, I appreciate your approach here. I do tend to think we are hard on ourselves, but it also matters how we define the word “goals”. In any case, I know you to be a compassionate and giving person, so, obviously what you are doing works! I do kind of agree with what you say about “tough love”. I don’t think being gentle means taking any guff! πŸ™‚


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