MusEditions

Disclosures

Posted on October 21, 2009. Filed under: Culture, Health, Philosophy, Spirituality |

Disclosure:   1. The act or process of revealing or uncovering.  2. Something uncovered; a revelation.

I title this post somewhat ambiguously, as several events have transpired to inspire it. I’m acknowledging a couple of awards I received recently; the first from blog friend and spiritual theorist Julian, the UU Deist. He has bestowed upon me the following:

I am deserving of this, he says, because I …*don’t hold back much on what I think…and I make Julian want to scratch his brain!*… Wow! I *honestly* am honored. I feel a bit weird accepting the award because, there are many things about myself I have *not* disclosed…but Julian really gets that I do share my deepest truths, here. What I generally don’t talk about are surface superficialities, anyway.

So, thank you Julian—I think! Along with the award comes a task. I am charged with this:  “When you get the Honest Scrap award, you are meant to grace your readers with 10 honest things about yourself, and then pass on the award to other blog friends who write honestly and truly about themselves and events in their lives.”  I tend to see this as an instruction to confess ten secrets I had previously told to very few people, and not at all on my blog. This in turn makes me think the “things” are either very “bad” or embarrassing, or else I would have disclosed them already, right?

Not necessarily. If I have to pull out 10 things I don’t generally discuss from my strange and wonderful life, I would think most are of the “deep dark secret” kind, but I hope to sprinkle in a few goodies, too. So, here they are, in no particular order:

1. I think that one or more of my great uncles may have been a N a z i. The American immigrants from my father’s side of the family came from Germany during the years leading up to WWII. Of the nine siblings, two brothers stayed in Germany, two children had died, and the other five brothers and sisters settled in and around San Francisco. Two brothers served in the American Army, and their sisters did war work. None of my uncles and aunts would talk about the war, to their children or anyone else. I’ve concluded, from looking into it, that the brothers who stayed in Germany very likely were conscripted into the German Army. I don’t really want to pursue it much further than that because, although I was born well after the war, of course, I was sometimes called “The N a z i” by the mean kids at school, when they learned of my German heritage. I wonder why kids are like this? I’m glad I didn’t know I was possibly related to real N a z is then. The German brothers came for a visit to America after the war, but I never met them. My family has a picture of all the surviving brothers and sisters taken on that occasion; I think sometime in the 50s. It’s terribly emotionally evocative to look at. The German brothers look so much like their American brothers. I don’t know what their politics were, or what they may have felt forced to do, in order to protect themselves and their families. I may never know. *see note about The Shadow Effect, below.

2. Disclosure item #1 went on much longer than I thought it would. I have a deep fear that I ramble too much; that no one wants to read my long blog posts, even me; and that you all secretly don’t like me. There. I’ve said it.

3. I like to write late at night. I like to have a half-glass of red wine (whine?) while I write. This probably accounts for the strangeness of some of my posts.

4. When I was in Kindergarten (5 years old) I hated the kind of underwear my mother made me wear. It was heavy cotton sort of “transition-big-kid” underwear. I wanted something lighter like the real big kids wore. One day, during lunchtime, I went into the restroom and took off my underwear. I balled them up in my fist, and went to deposit them in the trash can outside, but I missed! Several kids saw my underpants land on the ground, and they teased me and poked me in the behind the rest of the day.

5. Which leads me to this: I used to sort of be a nudist! When I lived in Hawaii, it was so humid (and I’d usually gotten rained on sometime during the day) that when I got home, I immediately stripped off every last stitch, and spent the rest of the evening that way. If I was alone, I mean. Well, you know, most of the time. I did at least close the blinds before I put on the light so I would not torment enchant my neighbors!

6. When I was very young, I was taken to see the movie Mary Poppins by my babysitter. Although I’d already had a lot of social conditioning by age 6, the film presented things like being able to levitate, and to jump into a chalk sidewalk painting so matter-of-factly, that I accepted the reality of them. My babysitter did not tell me such things “weren’t really real” as my parents would have done, so for nearly a year after saw Mary Poppins do it, I practiced levitation in my room at night. I would focus on a corner of the room, and project my consciousness there. It felt to me as if I were flying, just as did Ed Wynn and the children in the movie. To this day, I don’t know if I “really” flew, or if I had an out-of-body experience, or if I flew in my imagination. All I know is that it was absolutely real. Honest.

7. Another issue *The Shadow Effect brought up for me: In my public life I am very neat, precise; perhaps even anal-retentive. At home I am, well, not as much. I am afraid you will think less of me when I tell you this. I will say that because of the contemplative week I’m having, I took a good look around, and put away all my clothes and things before I started writing this. Still need a system to deal with paperwork, though.

8. When I was four years old, I had learned a lot of German folks songs from my father. I spoke very good German then (hardly a word, now) 😦 I used to swing on my swingset and sing songs at the top of my lungs. The neighbors would come out on their porches to listen. I was completely unaffected; unashamed; unassuming. This was the start of my “stellar” music career, although I’ve never sung with such freedom and abandon since.

9. I am among people a lot. I facilitate and/or am a member of several groups, and although I work at home a great deal, I see many people in the groups where I also provide leadership. Still, I am often lonely. Individual friendships come harder to me. It’s one of the reasons I like blogging. I can say what I like here, at any time of the day or night.

10. Most important: When I am feeling lonely, or any of the other unwanted emotions I’ve expressed above, I do have techniques I can use to help me to become centered and balanced again. Yoga, Meditation, Emotional Freedom Techniques and my Journal all help me connect with the greater Truth of me. When I am there; all is well. And that is the truth.

I pass this prestigious honor on to:

The Oriel, because the truth of her soul shines through;

Joan Harvest, because she pulls no punches;

Apar, because she never denies who she is no matter what.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Remember I said early on that I had recently been the recipient of TWO awards? What a nice month this has been. This award was given me by the wonderful book blogger, nylusmilk, over at The Literary Pursuit. She believes that I write  “beautifully on subject matters that make you sit back and think for a bit.”  —Wow! I’m so pleased to be thought of this way; thank you nylusmilk. There are a lot of rules attached to this award:

• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
• Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Bloggers are writers by definition, and my thought is that anyone who persists in writing for a fair amount of time must deserve a Superior Scribbler Award. Therefore, it is difficult to choose among the very fine blogs I read.

I will pass this on to several of those I consider “real” writers; and I’ll let you choose what I mean by that.

TheBeadDen – I am inspired by her passion.

cjwriter – He writes his truth beautifully, and with great craft.

DeirdraKiai – Social Issues; Intelligence; Wit…and Game Design! Need I say more?

ThePrincedom – A personal journey unfolding differently each day.

WillRhodes – Informed political opinion; not the other kind.

I would include ella, but she’s just moved, so I’ll let her unpack. Besides, she doesn’t much like memes!

Thank you for participating…or not, as you choose. I respect all choices.

* I saw this film over the weekend. There were segments on the children of N a z i s, and also on those who live differently behind closed doors. It’s a powerful and strange film…

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