Random Confessions

Posted on September 22, 2010. Filed under: Culture, EFT, Games, Health, HowTo, Music, Musings, Philosophy |

This is a time of year I often evaluate aspects of my life. Some do it at Gregorian New Year; others in the Spring…to me, the fall is the best time, the time of the Autumnal New Year. I can look at what I’ve “harvested” over the past few months; evaluate what I want to tuck away for the winter (Don’t chuckle; though I live in the Sonoran Desert, we DO get winter. Or what passes for winter, here, anyway) πŸ˜‰

Another reason to evaluate in the fall is that it’s a tradition for part of my family. Although I wasn’t raised with this holiday; some of my family members celebrate the Jewish New Year; and I observe my own version of Yom Kippur in a September. I think the fact that I was not brought up in that particular religion makes me more able, objectively, to appreciate some of the ceremonies it has. I have a lot of religious baggage from the religious upbringing I did have; and am still reconciling myself with what was passed to me as truth.

Some random things I’m looking to let go of:

Hair! I’m sure I won’t really do this; but my hair has been bugging me lately. I’m sorely tempted to shave it all off. I’ve always been “into” my hair; it’s sort of long for who I am, and it gets into everything. During the long hot summer we’ve been having here, it’s particularly annoying. I know the more obvious solution is to just cut it short! But I can’t! That would be so un-me. I’d rather just cut it all off, if I’m going to change it…but then I’m afraid I’ll look like an melon or, worse, TweedleDum! (TweedleDee wouldn’t be as bad!) πŸ™‚ So, I’ll probably, as I usually do, just let it grow another inch while I ponder…

Papers! Seriously, is there any reason to keep old bills around any more? They are all accessible and stored online from every institution. I act as if I’m about to be subject to a tax audit of the last 78 years (!) and I’ll be one of those people that rolls in 24 carts of materials to be examined. In looking to clean out and simplify certain aspects of my life; both out of desire and necessity, I’m gingerly going through these old records and shredding away! I hope I feel better afterward.

People! Do you ever see people as baggage? Is that a rude thing to ask? Some of the people who have been in my life don’t quite fit anymore, while others are changing roles or adding to them. This is natural evolution in most cases; but we humans tend to hold on even as we evolve, sometimes. I’ve heard it said that if a relationship isn’t serving you, let it go! Much like you would and old vacuum cleaner that blows dusty air out instead of sucks it in. Some of my relationships are work-related, and I’ve noticed that, in most cases, when the working relationship ends, very often the personal one does too. Most of them need the glue of the common interest and activity to hold them together. There are exceptions, of course. It’s perfectly possible—and I have done—to find a long-term friend in these circumstances, but as I look back, I realize that, out of all the people I felt were extremely important in my day-to-day existence, only a handful have stayed in touch with me, or I with them. I am more guilty of this than most, I think. If someone calls, months after a project, and wants to have lunch, I’ll think “Why?” I may go ahead and have the lunch, but in these cases I’ll feel tongue-tied and awkward, and say things like “So, how’s your life been since we finished producing that art project 1000 balloons as Representative of Modern Angst?”

Thoughts! Here are things—and I have heard it said many times that “thoughts are things”–that are a bit harder to deal with, even more so than people. People will eventually go away if I ignore them long enough (I know I sound unsociable, and I sort of am!, but I only do that with people I want to go away), but thoughts! what can one do about thoughts? Really, for me anyway, there are only two ways to clear up the unwanted kind. One is to replace them with better-feeling thoughts, and make some new memories. After some practice, these will become my thoughts. It doesn’t do a lot of good to dwell on the unpleasant ones without some form of relief. This can be anything from vigorous exercise to energy techniques, but best for me is to imagine the kinds of thoughts I’d like to have!—Not to sound too Pollyanna-ish… πŸ™‚

English! By this I specifically mean the English language used in sacred choral music. A lot of people in the western world play in orchestras or sing in choruses. I have done both for many years. In the “classical” tradition (misnamed, but that’s another post) πŸ˜‰ most—by no means all, but most—of the vocal music consists of interpretations of western Christian liturgy. Many people can just sing those right along for years, regardless of their background or beliefs. In one of the choral groups I work with, there are a surprising number of spiritual persuasions and non-persuasions. I will confess that, for me, it is increasingly difficult to repeat phrases that have no place in my belief system. I could just continue to “suck it up” as I have been doing for years. After all, choral directors and coaches often tell us that part of our “job” singing this music is to be actors, to “sell” it. I do see this as important if accepting a role in a play (and I WAS a missionary, for the Save-A-Soul Mission, in the musical Guys and Dolls–ironic, huh?) but, there are a variety of roles in plays, whereas in traditional western classical music, there is mostly this adulterated religious expression. When these works are sung in Latin or German or French, I at least get some distance from them, even though I still know what every word says. I can more easily step into a “role” if I’m not using the language I speak and think in.

Ideas! You’d think this would have been covered in “Thoughts”, above, but ideas are different from thoughts. An idea is: “Hey maybe I’ll become a circus clown! That’s just what I’ve been needing to spice up my life!” or, “I’ve noticed that when I go into rooms painted Chartreuse I feel peppier! I think I’m going to paint my whole house Chartreuse!” (I never said “ideas” were necessarily “good” or “helpful”.) They are Proclamations rather than mere Thoughts. All of us have probably thought of a product or two from time to time that *does* seem to be a good idea. Some of them languish away on the back burner, while others are brought to the forefront. So I’m ready to let go of the not-as-good ones.

Fix-it Projects! My house seems to need a lot of work at the moment, some of which I can do myself, some not; some of which costs a fair amount of money, and some not. Everything from replacing the carpets to fixing the leak in the garage seems to need doing. The kitchen could use some work. The bathrooms scare me a little. But how to prioritize? Should I do the things that cost the least and that I can do myself first? Or should I make a list of things from most to least urgent and work my way down as best I can? I’m a bit unmotivated and disheartened, but if I want to leave this house for greener pastures, these things must be done. Even if I don’t…I deserve a nice place to live, don’t I? I’ve just thought of a third way to do my list, which brings me finally to…

Lists! I have a love/hate relationship with lists. When I travel, I obsess about them. I put everything I want to pack on a list, from underwear to nail clippers. After all, I’m traveling all the way to…California!, a primitive land where I’m sure they don’t have things like toothpaste, should I forget it, nor could I possibly borrow it from my native Californian sister, whom I will visit–backwards creature that she is! She probably scrubs her teeth with backyard sand! …And then there’s the other kind of list: “Things To Do”. I like to make these lists, but I rarely do what’s on them. My streak of rebelliousness comes out when I’m told to do something, even when I’m the one telling. I don’t really want to “Do” anything. I do often do things, but I’d rather just “Be”. Perhaps I should make a “To Be” list! Yes! I’ll put that on my list of things To Do. πŸ™‚


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6 Responses to “Random Confessions”

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I’m confessing I am addicted to Fringe, House, Caprica, and Stargate Universe! Can’t give any of them up. πŸ˜€

You know, for some strange reason it does feel good to get rid of old statements and bills that are no longer needed. Although, I think it would be neat (or mean perhaps) to roll in 24 carts when you get an audit, and be like, “audit me will ya?!” Haha!

You are right about relationships that form from a similar event, like work or school. It seems more often than not, once you lose the common denominator, the relationship just doesn’t survive. And as sad as that is, I don’t think it’s unusual at all. I’ve noticed and thought about that a lot as well.

You definitely deserve a nice place to live! If I had some fix-it projects to do, I’d make a list and try to attack those that might lead to more costly repairs later first. That way one fix-it project can’t create another :/

Hi Muse!

Somehow your random confessions are not very random, I have similar confessions to make!

Hey, I didn’t know you had long hair! May I ask how long? Mine is waist-long (hmmm, is that even an English word!) I was never a long-hair-only person. I even shaved my head a couple of times just for kicks. Now I want to trim my hair because the heat is awful and I am losing my hair so much! But my hubby loves my hair too much to let me trim it!

People, I know what you mean…. and when is it ever easy to tell them that you don’t really need/want/like them any more because of whatever reason?

Thoughts, you trapped me with this! Sometimes I can’t rid myself of thoughts/emotions/memories that hurt me….

Another confession…… nowadays I realize that I am gonna die one day and I should think of better ways to utilize my time doing more worthwhile things! O MY GOD, IS THERE A LIFE AFTER DEATH?

Okay, I’m over a month late to the party, but have been thinking of you, so I stopped by. I like your version of Yom Kippur a whole lot better than the one of my childhood. And I’m very attached to my hair for some reason too. I got it whacked off a few months ago, and holed up in my room and cried for three days, cancelling all prior engagements so that I could mourn. It’s finally grown out enough so that I feel like “me” again.

I really, really love the idea of assessing the things that we’re unnecessarily attached to, and letting them go. I’m adding it to my to do list– I mean, my “to be” list. You’re such a smartie.

I’m about to send out the blog police and see if you’re ok Mused.

Where’ve you been. Did I lose you to SL or facebook?

Hope all is well in your world.

Will, (aka Bolshy) of all the things to be addicted to, you could do worse than these! πŸ™‚ I admit I share most of them! Show me a Stargate! I’m through it!

Oh, Shane! I didn’t realize you could be so devious as that! lol πŸ™‚ About relationships, yes, that’s very insightful. They need some sort of “glue” to hold them together. If it’s not the common activity, than they need some other strong bond or interest. And thank you for telling me I deserve niceness! The repairs you suggest, in the order you suggest them, sound very sensible. I will do as you advise πŸ™‚

We can be “random” together, then, Netty! Great to see you, BTW πŸ™‚ Well you can ask! Mine *used* to be long enough for a substantial pony-tail; now, maybe not as much! πŸ˜‰ Yes, those thoughts are a challenge 😦 The only advice I can offer there is to breathe and be kind to yourself. The realization that one is going to die is both sobering and confrontive, but it makes me want to live each day (or at least a couple of days each week) trying to do the right thing!

Oh, Moonbeam, you may be a month late, but look how late I am! I’m just finishing up a post that addresses this not-being-here-issue. I’m so glad you still think of me though, as I do you!!! When I was assessing what to let go, I surely did not intend to let go of my favorite people. I imagine your hair is back to a reasonable length now? πŸ™‚

No, Jules, I am not lost, but once again found! I’ve just been a little…distracted lately. Nothing to worry about, but grateful you have noticed and care! I miss you too. I’ll be along to see what you’re up to, and am in the process of “cleaning up my blogging act”. This has been a solace of mine that other social media do not provide. See you soon! πŸ™‚

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